What is the Gottman Method for Couples Therapy?

Couples and individuals frequently seek out couples therapy to help them navigate the conflicts, rekindle connection in their relationships and develop personally.

The Gottman Method for couples is a type of couples therapy based on more than 50 years of relationship research by Dr John Gottman and his team at the Gottman Institute.

According to Dr Gottman's research, couples in distress wait an average of six years before seeking couples counselling. As a result, their relationship issues usually worsen by the time they seek marriage therapy, making them far more challenging to resolve.

One of the cornerstone ideas of the Gottman Method is that couples need five times as many positive interactions as negative ones because negative emotions hurt a relationship much more than positive ones can improve it.

As a result, the Gottman Method focuses on building the skills that will help couples:

· Improve communication

· Learn how to be vulnerable and turn to one another to meet their needs

· Keep up your affection and admiration

· Handle conflicts

· Respond to hurt and repair after adversity

Research shows that both homosexual and heterosexual couples can benefit from the Gottman Method. This approach to relationship counselling can be particularly helpful for couples who:

· Feel trapped in unhealthy cycles of constant fights and conflicts

· Have poor communication

· Are healing after infidelity

· Struggle with commitment issues

· Feel emotionally distant and disconnected

· Lack intimacy

· Face money issues

· Struggle with parenting challenges

The Gottman Method has proven to help couples worldwide get to know each other better, improve intimacy, create sexual safety, develop a deeper connection, and achieve relationship goals together.

Based on decades of research on how couples interact, Dr John Gottman noticed that happy couples who stayed together exchanged small signs of connection and affection about twenty times more than couples in distress. 

He argues that, on the other hand, negativity has a powerful effect on our brains. So, unless couples find ways to overcome negativity, they become emotionally distant.

Dr. Gottman has also developed the idea of "emotional bids," or the signals we give to our partners to let them know that we desire their attention and affirmation, based on the findings of his research.

When you respond to each other's emotional bids, you put savings into your "emotional bank account." Your account grows with every positive interaction, reminding you of the love and commitment you share. Thus, when you're in difficulties, your "emotional bank account" savings reduce the likelihood of adverse outcomes.

After completing the Gottman Assessment, the therapist develops personalized treatment plan, designed to enhance your connection. The Gottman Method focuses on the seven components of a healthy relationship, called the Sound Relationship House. A house is a metaphor for a stable connection at its core. Each partner contributes to a strong and safe connection by building upon the load-bearing walls and levels.

The Sound Relationship House is the research-based foundation for couples work and includes the following principles:

This is the foundation of a relationship and represents how well partners know each other. When you build love maps, you ask the right questions to learn about each other's inner worlds (hopes, dreams, worries, stressors, and childhood experiences).

This principle focuses on developing an appreciation mindset in your relationship and respecting one another.

When you turn toward your partner's emotional bids, you are aware of and responsive to the small interactions you usually share.

The fourth principle entails handling challenges as a team and resolving interpersonal issues positively.

About 69 per cent of relationship problems are perpetual – they never go away. Unlike issues that can be fixed, enduring conflicts need to be managed, considering each other's feelings and desires.

The meaning of a fulfilling relationship is creating an atmosphere in which partners can openly share their hopes, desires, and fears and help each other reach personal goals.

The top level of the Sound Relationship House is about creating unique rituals of connection that define you as a team and help you understand your inner world as a couple.

Conflicts are a natural part of any relationship's dynamic. But sometimes, relationship problems are either overwhelming or have been overlooked for too long for a couple to be able to address them on their own.

The Gottman Method aims to help couples identify behaviour patterns that enhance intimacy and create and sustain a strong connection during challenging times.